From the Archives: Life Lessons from the Oldest and Wisest with David Romanelli

ABOUT GUEST:
Dave Romanelli is a bestselling author, wellness innovator, entrepreneur, and lifelong meditator. He is the author of several books, including Life Lessons from the Oldest and Wisest, and is known for bringing generations together through his Drinks With Your Elders events. His work explores connection, mindfulness, relationships, and the lessons we can learn from those who have lived the longest. His work has been featured in The New York Times, O Magazine, Newsweek, Food & Wine, and The Wall Street Journal. 

WHERE TO FIND GUEST:
Website: https://davidromanelli.com/#
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yeahdave/

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TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Christa Biegler, RD: Hello, welcome to summer, welcome to July, and welcome to this episode of The Less Stress Life. As we enter our ninth year of The Less Stress Life, I have been reflecting on the past and taking inventory as we

[00:00:12] Christa Biegler, RD: prepare for the future. Very excited about the scheduling the podcast for the rest of the year.

[00:00:18] Christa Biegler, RD: But I wanted to revisit some of these oldies but goodies. So I went through the first 50 or so episodes and picked out a few of my favorites to share with you this month that I thought were still relevant today. And this one tugged at my heartstrings. This was an episode I did with Dave Romanelli in March of 2019, and he talks about life lessons from the oldest and wisest generation.

[00:00:41] Christa Biegler, RD: I found this very heartwarming because I don't know if you've seen the statistic that 65 to 80% of Gen Z, I think that's 45 to 61, so it's the section of people right below baby boomers, and then millennials, which is the one below that rate themselves at [00:01:00] 60, like 60 to 80% loneliness.

[00:01:02] Christa Biegler, RD: So we're considered... these two generations are considered the loneliest generations, whereas baby boomers only 45% resonated with being lonely. So I felt like this was really interesting, and I feel like even though this episode was a full year before COVID happened, I think that this topic has never been probably more important.

[00:01:23] Christa Biegler, RD: I'd love to hear what you think as well after listening to it. The only negative to sharing some of these older episodes is that we're missing the video, so if you're watching this on YouTube, it'll be a blank screen. But if you're listening, then I hope you enjoy the show.

[00:01:36] David Romanelli: but more than anything it's paying attention and listening and asking and exchanging that wisdom and the knowledge. And, you can't ask those questions when they're no longer with us.

[00:01:45] David Romanelli: So I think the biggest issue in our culture now is we just don't have the patience. 

[00:01:50] Christa Biegler, RD: I'm your host, Christa Biegler, and I'm going to guess we have at least one thing in common, that we're both in pursuit of a less stressed life. On this show, I'll be interviewing experts and sharing clinical pearls from my years of practice to support high-performing, health-savvy women in pursuit of abundance and a less stressed life.

[00:02:19] Christa Biegler, RD: One of my beliefs is that we always have options for getting the results we want, so let's see what's out there together.

[00:02:37] Christa Biegler, RD: All right, today on the Less Stress Life, we have an encore guest back. It's Dave Romanelli. Remember he was here, gosh, I think last year h- talking about his book, and today he has a new book. But Dave is a wellness innovator. He is the author of an Amazon number one bestseller, and he seeks the wisdom of our elders before it's too late.

[00:02:57] Christa Biegler, RD: Dave initiates connection and conversations between the [00:03:00] old and the young. Our elders in their 80s, 90s, and 100, 100s, fought in World War II, survived the Holocaust, marched for civil rights. They are our most precious resource of wisdom and history, yet most elders lack a voice in popular culture and live out their final years in isolation.

[00:03:18] Christa Biegler, RD: We can do better, and we have to do better. Dave creates an ongoing series of events called Drinks With Your Elders, bringing the old together with the young in communities across the nation. This inspired Dave's third book, Life Lessons From the Oldest and Wisest, which shares elder advice on parenting, marriage, loyalty, resilience, and having a sense of humor through all the ups and downs.

[00:03:42] Christa Biegler, RD: So I can't wait to learn more about some of this wisdom today. Welcome, Dave. 

[00:03:45] David Romanelli: Thank you. 

[00:03:46] Christa Biegler, RD: I know, I can picture your book. It's got a big smiley face, the last one, right? Happy Is the New Healthy, is that what it's called? I didn't wanna mess that up. Yes. Okay, cool. Cool. So you can go back and listen to Dave on that past episode.

[00:03:56] Christa Biegler, RD: I'll look up the number here. But Dave, today we're talking about [00:04:00] conversations with elders. So I'm curious about how the Drinks With Elders happened, right? You've always had an affinity for this population. You've really appreciated the things that they've taught you, but you're taking it on a new step, right?

[00:04:11] Christa Biegler, RD: You're creating communities across the nation. Tell us how that's working. Tell us what happened with that and how you're facilitating that. 

[00:04:17] David Romanelli: I come from the yoga world, and I, for many years I was teaching yoga and then meditation, and do these workshops all over the country, and built, a network of students and a community.

[00:04:29] David Romanelli: And in the midst of all that, my last surviving grandparent passed away in 2010, and she was in an old age home in Los Angeles. And I saw that she was unhappy and disconnected from life, and that's really how a lot of older people are, is isolated, lonely, lacking a voice in popular culture.

[00:04:48] David Romanelli: It's hard getting old. And, we put old people out to pasture. So last grandparent passed away I just took a really big interest in the elder population, and realized that they have [00:05:00] stories and history and wisdom that are often fascinating, and most of the time they have no one who's listening to their stories and wisdom.

[00:05:08] David Romanelli: So I started doing these events called Drinks With Your Elders, where we bring old people together with p- younger people to listen to their stories, to share, exchange information and wisdom and guidance. And at first it's it's not been easy to get people into a room together of different ages, but it's getting easier and the crowds are getting bigger, and people are reaching out wanting to do these events on their own.

[00:05:33] David Romanelli: And I, something is building here 

[00:05:36] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah. Actually, I'm really curious about this, 'cause I think about I feel like I could do this in my own community. I hate to put you on the spot here, but when people wanna do this, if they wanna take your framework and bring it to their own community, what does that look like?

[00:05:48] David Romanelli: There's not so much a framework. That's the thing about this. It's like there's old people all around you all the time, and it's a matter of perception that a lot of times we just don't see them. We feel they're [00:06:00] obsolete or they don't have anything to add to our business, so we just don't see them.

[00:06:04] David Romanelli: But they're waiting in line behind you at the grocery market, or they're sitting alone at the airport, or they live next door on the street, and it's just a matter of engaging, stopping and engaging. If somebody wanted to do intergenerational event, it's really could be as simple as just inviting, having, starting with a dinner party and inviting an elder to join you and a few friends over conversation at dinner.

[00:06:27] David Romanelli: That's a great starting point. 

[00:06:28] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah. Yeah. You make me giggle 'cause I think about my old friends and how much I love them because they're like my grandparents that I lost, at not a super young age, but young enough where I'm like, "Oh you're gonna be my standing grandparents."

[00:06:40] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah ... I get that. So let's talk about, what spawned this new book. So you're having you, Drinks With Elders is happening, right? Yes. You're continuing this journey, and then what? You're just hearing so many stories, right? Tell us a little bit more about this. 

[00:06:53] David Romanelli: The new book is based on or inspired by all of these intergenerational events that I did over the last few years [00:07:00] and hearing the stories and realizing I've learned so much that's informed me as a parent, in my marriage bouncing back from difficult times.

[00:07:09] David Romanelli: Just realizing that when you're looking back on your life, it's very different from looking forward to what's to come. And perspective is so valuable when you hear what these people went through in, surviving the Holocaust, fighting in World War II or the Korean War marching for civil rights and the oppressiveness of racism back in the day, and still oppressive but, it was really intense in the '40s and '50s and '60s.

[00:07:35] David Romanelli: And so you just, there's just a lot to learn, and I was inspired to put it in- into a book. And hopefully I can help other people out there who are my age or younger or a little bit older on navigating the journey. Right now I've got two small children. You're working to make ends meet as a professional and balancing, you're trying to k- keep your marriage healthy, and life is intense.

[00:07:57] David Romanelli: And it's like, what I [00:08:00] realized when I talk to older people, it was, it used to be even more intense. And there's conveniences and advantages to modern times that they didn't have back then. And so it's like, okay, I can do this, and we need those shifts in perspective sometimes.

[00:08:15] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah.

[00:08:16] Christa Biegler, RD: Actually, you make me think of something. So recently, where I live, I'm in a small town, and everyone reads the newspaper here still, which is lovely and heartwarming because I have a thing for newspapers. And so recently, gentleman who grew up here wrote quite a long series about his experience in the Vietnam War, and people really loved it.

[00:08:34] Christa Biegler, RD: He basically had a homecoming and had a reception at the local museum, and it was a big hit. And it got me thinking about my parents, who don't even live in this town. They live actually several hours away. They receive our local newspaper, so they can keep up with what we're doing here.

[00:08:47] Christa Biegler, RD: And anyway, it got me thinking about my dad as a Vietnam veteran, and he never talks about it to us. And so I was thinking about like, you really wish you sometimes could know some things even if people don't want to come out and talk about their [00:09:00] history. So

[00:09:00] Christa Biegler, RD: If I wanted to, if someone who's listening wanted to preserve the memories and stories of their loved ones, what would you suggest? Because for Christmas, I was looking all over for one of those books that says there's books where they can prompt and remind and have them write down different things.

[00:09:14] Christa Biegler, RD: Like, when I was your age, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, what are some tips you have for people looking to preserve memories of their loved ones? 

[00:09:21] David Romanelli: There are services and companies that do that, but I think the asking the questions that matter more than anything.

[00:09:29] David Romanelli: I just sat with my brother last night, who I don't think he feels like he was close enough with our grandparents, and he wishes that he had them around still and that he could ask more questions. And I think it's the stories that we're telling each other that are so important. So rather than making it like this technical thing, like taking videos and photos, of course, all that's great, but more than anything, it's paying attention and listening and asking and exchanging that wisdom and the knowledge and...

[00:09:56] David Romanelli: you can't ask those questions when they're no longer with us. So I [00:10:00] think the biggest issue in our culture now is we just don't have the patience to listen. If it's not like a two-minute soundbite you can post on social media, it's hard to listen. And older people sometimes, it goes on, and they talk in their own cadence, and sometimes it's not in chronological order, and it's a little bit harder to follow.

[00:10:20] David Romanelli: But if you engage and you're really committed to it and you're patient and you're willing to sit and spend the time, you, something special comes from it. 

[00:10:29] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah. So tell us about some of your favorite things, favorite stories, favorite pieces of wisdom that you've taken or maybe that are in the new book.

[00:10:37] Christa Biegler, RD: I'm sure this has been a labor of love for a few years. Who know? You can tell us how long. But share with us some of those, your favorite pieces, some of your favorite stories or favorite pieces of wisdom. 

[00:10:48] David Romanelli: Yeah, there's The most intense are the Holocaust survivors, which just give you this really profound sense of perspective.

[00:10:57] David Romanelli: I've spoken to several who were [00:11:00] living in, one of them was in Hungary. Another was... A couple of them were in Germany. And, lovely neighborhoods, like the beautiful parts of Germany or Hungary, and well-to-do families. And then there was Kristallnacht, which is the night in 1938 when the Nazis just did a pogrom, and invaded and vandalized Jewish businesses and homes.

[00:11:23] David Romanelli: And all of a sudden, their parents were taken to concentration camps. They never saw them again, and they were refugees. Or they were in the concentration camps, and alone in the world at 14 years old, 11 years old. Having gone practically overnight from, this beautiful, idyllic life in a lovely European capital to being alone in the world, on the run, fighting for your life, having lost all your family.

[00:11:52] David Romanelli: And you hear these stories and, Then one of the Holocaust survivors said that sometimes her grandchildren will complain about their issues, [00:12:00] and she'll tell them, "Honey, you don't know what issues really are." And you need that shift in perspective. Yeah. And that's where, that's really powerful.

[00:12:07] David Romanelli: And then there are just random stories. There was this one lady I was talking to, and It was totally out of context, and she was telling me that she worked in hospice, and Her first day in hospice, there was a young mom in her early 30s who was dying, and she went to her room to see if she could help.

[00:12:27] David Romanelli: And the young mom was, didn't look too good. And this lady that was telling me this story, she's in her 80s now, and she said she just started crying, and she was so sad to see this, the plight of this mother of young children dying. And she started crying, and the mother who was dying said, "Why are you crying?"

[00:12:45] David Romanelli: And she said, "I just feel so so sad. I feel so terrible." And the lady said don't feel terrible. Can you shave my legs?" She said, "I don't wanna die with hairy legs." And so she thought it was the strangest request, but she ran and she got a razor and shaving cream, and [00:13:00] she shaved her legs, and she died later that night.

[00:13:04] David Romanelli: And she said to me, "I learned in that moment that you have to meet people where they are, not where you think they are. Meet people where they are, not where you think they are." And that was so interesting to me, because the next day I was driving with my one-year-old daughter in the car and we were in tr- LA traffic, and my daughter's crying in the back as one-year-olds do.

[00:13:26] David Romanelli: And I couldn't figure out what the problem was, and I handed her cookies. She didn't want her cookies. I turned on the kids music. She didn't want the kids music. And finally I said, "What do you want? What do you want?" And she says in her one-year-old voice, hold hand." And I put my finger back there, and she wrapped her little hand around my finger, and she was so happy, and that's all she wanted.

[00:13:46] David Romanelli: And it made sense to, to meet people where they are rather than where you think they are. And so it's important to ask and understand more intimately and more deeply what people really need and not just... Don't just go in with the assumption that you know [00:14:00] what people need. 

[00:14:01] Christa Biegler, RD: I love that story.

[00:14:02] Christa Biegler, RD: What a great gap you painted between the story from the first day to your one-year-old the next day. I love it. Keep telling us stories. 

[00:14:08] David Romanelli: Yeah, and then some other ones were just about, I'm just trying to think. I have so many stories. A lot of the single moms who lost their husbands very young and raised four kids and put, three of them through college on their own.

[00:14:23] David Romanelli: And I said, "How did you do it, man? My wife and I are struggling with two kids." And she said, "I I ran a really tight ship, and we were really strict, and we had rules, and I never stopped telling my kids how much I loved them." And that was the secret . that was how she did it. She was tough, but she showed a lot of love.

[00:14:42] David Romanelli: And another lady, she said she was worked so much she could never make it to her kids' sports games or practices or plays. But she would get home from her waitressing job at 2:00 AM, her mom was babysitting. She would go in her kids' room, and they were fast asleep, and she would just sit on their beds and [00:15:00] run her hands through their hair and just love them as best she could when she could.

[00:15:05] David Romanelli: And now in her adult life when she, her kids are grown and they're adults, and she said she has a very close relationship with her kids. And again, it's like, I think as parents you think you need to buy your kids the right stuff and make sure they're doing the right things. But at the end of the day, it comes down to love.

[00:15:23] David Romanelli: And I think that's what our kids remember is you loved them as best you could when you could. You showed up for them as best you possibly could. And that to me was really refreshing to hear those kind of stories. 

[00:15:34] Christa Biegler, RD: I love it. Part of it, why it's so valuable, of course, as you are well aware, to take these lessons is that this is the first time we're ever living today, right?

[00:15:42] Christa Biegler, RD: So we can't go back and repeat this. Maybe we will have regrets, maybe we will not. Maybe everything is just everything builds up and we learn as we go. When you have children, for example, like with this woman's story, we don't have the opportunity to redo that, right? This is the one shot we have at that.

[00:15:56] Christa Biegler, RD: So if we can learn from someone else's experience that we [00:16:00] particularly resonate with that can help accelerate us or put us that much further ahead or help us let go of the things that don't matter and put more effort in the things that do matter. 

[00:16:08] David Romanelli: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:16:10] Christa Biegler, RD: You mentioned I think it's interesting, you got into this area, Dave, because you said you were in the yoga world, and you mentioned something off air about yoga and wisdom, and that might not be common knowledge or everyone might not be fluent in that.

[00:16:24] Christa Biegler, RD: Tell us about that little bit of, Like, why you felt so inspired, like, why you feel so attached to this wisdom,

[00:16:29] David Romanelli: the wisdom of elder. Why do I feel so attached to the wisdom of elders, is, that's the question, right? 

[00:16:33] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah, essentially, yeah.

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[00:16:56] Christa Biegler, RD: This summer, I'm doing a lot of Electrolyte Supreme from Jigsaw. [00:17:00] It's got a great complementary vitamin and mineral profile beyond the classic electrolyte minerals of potassium, sodium, and magnesium without any sugar or artificial colors. It tastes great, and it's probably my go-to for my kids, especially the lemon lime flavor as a hydrating lemonade for summer.

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[00:17:41] David Romanelli: I think it's like it's a whole lifetime of hard-earned wisdom.

[00:17:46] David Romanelli: What are you, at the end of your life when you're looking back, what do you wanna

[00:17:49] David Romanelli: share? And what really matters? What's important? And I've almost never heard, I don't think I've ever heard an older person say to me I earned all this money, and we lived [00:18:00] in the nicest house, and we had all these awesome cars."

[00:18:04] David Romanelli: You never hear that stuff. always about the relationships that really matter at the end of life. It's, it's not Accomplishments at the end of life are not what you have to show for yourself, but who's showing up for you. And so a lot of old people don't have people showing up for them.

[00:18:17] David Romanelli: They're super lonely. And it's like the people that have loved ones, friends, relatives who are showing up for them day in and day out, like- That's probably a reflection of their investment in those relationships when they were a lot younger. You gotta think about that because we spend so much time and energy on things, and we work hard so that we can achieve and earn and buy more things at some expense of the time that we could be spending with the ones we love.

[00:18:44] David Romanelli: And at the end of the day I've got, like I said, I keep telling you, I've got little kids right now, and I keep thinking to myself, sometimes I'm really tired and I just wanna sit on the couch and let my kid do his thing. But at the end of the day, it's I wanna show up for my kids right now, and I want them to show up for me, and we [00:19:00] gotta show up for each other, and I think we need those reminders.

[00:19:02] David Romanelli: So that's why I think the wisdom of someone looking back at, from the very end of life, it's really meaningful. 

[00:19:09] Christa Biegler, RD: Yeah. And I would say that we need these constant reminders. One, I'm glad you're coming to talk to us about this today because I feel like we need constant reminders, right?

[00:19:17] Christa Biegler, RD: It's so easy to fall off the horse, right? We need constant reminders to be on the horse to be showing up for the people that are most important to us, for sure. 

[00:19:24] David Romanelli: Yeah. 

[00:19:25] Christa Biegler, RD: So Dave If I could ask you one thing, and this is a common question people get on this show. You know- Yeah

[00:19:30] Christa Biegler, RD: what's your gut reaction from the wisdom you've collected from the older generations on something you can do today to start improving your life? And maybe you've answered it in a different way and you just want to reiterate it, but, if people can take one piece from this show, what would you want them to take?

[00:19:42] David Romanelli: If you don't have an elder in your life, someone in their 80s, 90s, or 100s, you would be better off For having someone in your life from that generation who you could talk to and spend time with. Because they'll exchange their wisdom with you, and you'll [00:20:00] exchange your rejuvenating, relatively youthful energy with them, and that exchange is very important.

[00:20:06] David Romanelli: We need it. 

[00:20:07] Christa Biegler, RD: I love it. So Dave, where can people find you online? 

[00:20:10] David Romanelli: DavidRomanelli.com, and I have a Instagram, @WiseElders, where I post the stories of the people I encounter and speak with. And I have Drinks With Your Elders events coming up in Chicago, Houston, and Dallas in January. That'll be on my website.

[00:20:28] Christa Biegler, RD: Oh, cool. 

[00:20:28] David Romanelli: But, yeah. 

[00:20:29] Christa Biegler, RD: You're traveling. But you also have a podcast. Don't forget to tell us about your podcast, Dave. What's it called? 

[00:20:34] David Romanelli: Okay, so I have a podcast called 18 Minutes, and I share stories and wisdom, again, from the older generation. And I've redone the podcast lately, so they're short episodes that you can listen to help you relax and fall asleep at night.

[00:20:50] Christa Biegler, RD: Oh, I love it. Perfect. Thank you for that. That's good stuff. Everyone can use some of that. Okay, Dave, so DavidRomanelli.com. The book is called Life Lessons from the Oldest and Wisest. Thank [00:21:00] you, Dave, for coming on and sharing a few of your favorite stories. It's just like a fun conversation to be having.

[00:21:04] David Romanelli: Thank you so very much for having me on.